I can't stand myself recently, so I kind of assumed a pity call for help to the impersonal persons of cyberspace was as about as helpful as talking to myself. Which is was I'm currently doing. Damn. Can't I ever psycho analyze myself and not feel like a crazy neo-freudian? Wishing wishing wishing...
Reason? I can't understand reason. Reasons perhaps could be that the one guy I put up with for two years, i finally snapped at because he's thriving on my sad uneventful life here. Con
stantly prying for any gossip, what I'm doing etc. etc. and ALWAYS assuming something is wrong with me (which it is most of the time) and I'm leaving him out (because I leave everyone out, its just how impersonal I am when it comes to my personal problems). So I leave you out, because you're not in my life anymore! Stop being best buddies with me, when you're half the reason I'm as crazy as I am! I need to figure out my own problems, and depend on MYSELF! Not leaning on other people for their acceptance.
Speaking of which, psychology makes me apply everything to my own life. Saying that because I'm the "safe" person to get mad at, I never expose my hostile feelings to the people I'm actually hostile towards, and I hold everything accountable, that I'm neurotic. GO FIGURE! this makes me feel a bit braver about snapping at people.
Too bad I'm such a pussy. What little friends I have left staying in town for college are making me feel like an unwanted picture frame. I go over to a friends house and help her paint her room. Her boyfriend came over to help. They're in "love", willing to abandon each others families to be together, already lived through a preggo scare and abortion, and STILL together and all over eachother. Trust me. You know the awkward third wheel? How about the awkward "I-will-have-sex-in-front-of-you-because-we-fucking-forgot-common-courtesy"? BAHHH! IN felt SO disrespected. (NO, they didn't really have sex, but there wasn't much room for air, and hanky-panky of any sort when a friend is less then two feet away is... not
right.) If I didn't have to take one of them home, I would have left. (Would I really? No, because I'm too nice of a pussy to abandon people, or get mad at them. dammit self!). After repeatedly coming up from each other a moment, "Oh brit! I forgot you were here!" and then Finally, when I was ready to leave and get out of there, "Don't you have to go warm up you're car or something? He'll be out in a min." WHATTHEFUCK MATE! I sat there for twenty min, verging on crying and running my car through her house. Way earlier, when everyone else was already sick of them being all over eachother, I cut them some slack and told them I understand the honeymoon stage, and that I was OK with it as long as it wasn't intense and in front of me. WAY TO NOT LISTEN AT ALL! I'm perfectly fine hanging out with them separately, I adore them both. But I don't need to see your down and dirty pants dance! I just felt utterly disrespected and used. GAHH!
Should I say something? Blow up in their faces? Anything?
Perhaps Psych isn't the best choice. The world is making me hostile
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