Merry day-after Christmas!

Ho Ho ho!

So nothing as exiting as my lappy I bought myself last year. but I'm happy that i gave so much to my family, things that they LOVED, with a minimum paycheck and (still) not many work hours. [surprising I know? You'd assume with the season that they'd give me more hours, but alas, not. >=/

so besides being out any money for gas, I received movies (perfume a story of murder! and elizabeth!) and The first Sandman graphic novel by Neil Gaiman (so excited!!) many many earrings, some flannel sheets, these butt hugger yoga pants that I'm in love with and refuse to take off. Yay! and a $50 bill that hadn't ever been circulated, which my dad was way more geeked about then he should have been. Overall, a good year!

after eating early and suffering through many-a drunken photos with my mother, i took a big slice of delish cheesecake over to jacques house, where were proceeded to play left for dead? oh my goodness that game sucks you in! but its sooooo frightening! I'm a gamer noob. mostly loving mario. but I swear I dreamt about zombie attacks and that stupid gun flashing and firing and those stupid tongue ones thats grab you and pull you in! and the clawing witches! OMG!

It's almost almost Christmas And you might, maybe you could...

It feels rather unbelievably cold here now. Typing is difficult and I feel like a turtle trying to keep my nose warm. BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Recently I'm obsessed with:

Chris Garneau (singer/artist)

I first heard of him through dante, then I saw him as a featured song during a dance for your life on So You Think You Can Dance, and I realized I had a song of his on my itunes even before I knew how much I loved him. He's sort of a piano-folk with a sort of baroque-carnival melody. Pure and lovely his voice kind of makes me want to breathe slowly and deeply. Tilt your ear and listen to Baby's Romance, Black and Blue and Dirty Night Clowns.

My grandmother glasses.

So what if they make me look a little goofy, the low magnification and HUGE-ness of them make me feel better. Their frames are clear and a sort of pinkish, and I like how they frame my face. Random I know, but for a dollar at goodwill for a little confidence boost, why not?

WANT

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WANT

/

WANT

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WANT

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BIG

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SWEATERS

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PLEASE

=

Not necessarily sweater-dresses.

thanks.

What keeps mankind alive?

Here I am, trying EXTRA hard to be ready for finals, but its beginning to seem like I have two weeks of finals, this week, where I have a billion presentations and papers due, and next week where I have major tests! Hoo ha being a college student. High schoolers have no idea.

It's the holidays! Smile! Well, my tree is still naked of ornaments, and I literally have no money for gifts, like I'm working one day a week and can't even afford gas... speaking of my car... I slid off the road the other day RIGHT next to my house. utterly depressing. avoided the big trees, took off my passenger side mirror, and dented up all down the side (chuck is now a wavy little bugger) and almost screwed up all underneath (can't be sure though, I haven't taken it in to get looked at yet) I mean I am scarping by here!!! A cute boy in a big truck saved me though. He popped out and said "Hey, I'm Joel, I'm here to save you." and I kinda melted. XD

On another note, I'm thinking of becoming and existentialist. I'm reading some Nietzsche, and expanding my mind. I mean, look at the mustache?! Watch out world.

I can't remember the sound you found for me...

I need a good bass. BOOM!

Yes. I meant bass, equal to a base. Where some songs need a beat from the drums to keep rhythm, to keep time, I need a kick ass base line to make my music spin. So I'm searching.... (for not those rapper boom basses, you guys are tools, but the BAMF rock bass, think Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes... yeah....)

Also, even though I'm broke-er then a

smashed teacup, I find too many wants on Etsy.

Vices and Folly

This is a fail on my half:

Half of me has the time, the money, the stamina the, the desired expression I want to give people, the world, myself. I've got the hippest indie style, my entirely me own and people love that. I feel beautiful. I've a music taste that everyone envies, I am the girl everyone wants to know and hang out with because I'm so kind and witty. I'm humble and grounded, but I dream the biggest with beauty and a unique touch. I tell people the WHOLE truth, and now worry about their reactions. I say exactly what I mean instead of beating around the bush, or avoiding the elephant. I date people who are worth all of me, and not because they want me sexually, or because of settlement. I don't put up with people just because... and I don't have to explane any reason to anyone but me.  I am everything I could ever love to be.  

The other half is a pessimistic hermit. no anesthetic, cut to the point, and wants to leave all of you.  

I need some Zen to collect myself... perhaps... I don't know, something... 

I almost had you, but I guess I didn't cut it.

Hey you guys. Only not in the excited happy way that sloth does it...

I've been on SUCH a bitch walk. it seems like every person is pinching me in the EXACT SPOT that just pushes me over. and the results are either i just fall over and let them walk on me, or I just really snappy and irrational. I apologize. I'm not sure exactly whats going on right now. usually the winter depression doesn't happen till... well winter. (and not like a depression, but a downslipe I go through)

Bahh. I'm done ranting. its almost Halloween, almost rocky horror picture show, almost... something I hope. Things aren't just looking up like they used to. =/

Your hand is staining my window.

Sorry bloggers out there.

I can't stand myself recently, so I kind of assumed a pity call for help to the impersonal persons of cyberspace was as about as helpful as talking to myself. Which is was I'm currently doing. Damn. Can't I ever psycho analyze myself and not feel like a crazy neo-freudian? Wishing wishing wishing...

Reason? I can't understand reason. Reasons perhaps could be that the one guy I put up with for two years, i finally snapped at because he's thriving on my sad uneventful life here. Con

stantly prying for any gossip, what I'm doing etc. etc. and ALWAYS assuming something is wrong with me (which it is most of the time) and I'm leaving him out (because I leave everyone out, its just how impersonal I am when it comes to my personal problems). So I leave you out, because you're not in my life anymore! Stop being best buddies with me, when you're half the reason I'm as crazy as I am! I need to figure out my own problems, and depend on MYSELF! Not leaning on other people for their acceptance.

Speaking of which, psychology makes me apply everything to my own life. Saying that because I'm the "safe" person to get mad at, I never expose my hostile feelings to the people I'm actually hostile towards, and I hold everything accountable, that I'm neurotic. GO FIGURE! this makes me feel a bit braver about snapping at people.

Too bad I'm such a pussy. What little friends I have left staying in town for college are making me feel like an unwanted picture frame. I go over to a friends house and help her paint her room. Her boyfriend came over to help. They're in "love", willing to abandon each others families to be together, already lived through a preggo scare and abortion, and STILL together and all over eachother. Trust me. You know the awkward third wheel? How about the awkward "I-will-have-sex-in-front-of-you-because-we-fucking-forgot-common-courtesy"? BAHHH! IN felt SO disrespected. (NO, they didn't really have sex, but there wasn't much room for air, and hanky-panky of any sort when a friend is less then two feet away is... not

right.) If I didn't have to take one of them home, I would have left. (Would I really? No, because I'm too nice of a pussy to abandon people, or get mad at them. dammit self!). After repeatedly coming up from each other a moment, "Oh brit! I forgot you were here!" and then Finally, when I was ready to leave and get out of there, "Don't you have to go warm up you're car or something? He'll be out in a min." WHATTHEFUCK MATE! I sat there for twenty min, verging on crying and running my car through her house. Way earlier, when everyone else was already sick of them being all over eachother, I cut them some slack and told them I understand the honeymoon stage, and that I was OK with it as long as it wasn't intense and in front of me. WAY TO NOT LISTEN AT ALL! I'm perfectly fine hanging out with them separately, I adore them both. But I don't need to see your down and dirty pants dance! I just felt utterly disrespected and used. GAHH!

Should I say something? Blow up in their faces? Anything?

Perhaps Psych isn't the best choice. The world is making me hostile

Up side Update.

UPdate on my little life. UP (capitalized for a reason meaning that life is looking up! ha! I'm so full of wit. not.)

As of... march? March, I haven't been dating Colin. 

Good thing I wasn't on here then, I was ENTIRELY PISSED. He ditched be over religion because he believed he could change me. >:( But, on the bright side, we're still good friends and talk every other day. He's currently in an ROTC program going to school to be a pastor (go figure). Although lonely, He's doing OK. Even found himself a crush!

Speaking of crushes... I'm in lacking of one. not that I need one, but I miss having that one person you can talk to every night and snuggle with and... umm... you know. There's been some hopefuls on both sides, but nothing officially sticking yet. I'm not too dramatic about it. Apart from generally missing that second someone, I'm lovin' just being my little ol' single self. 

Love

Love

Love

Best

Dear

Love

Love

Love

As my second half, I LOVE LOVE DANTE TO ITTY BITTY HOMOSEXUAL PIECES! He's still my 

Will to my Grace. I wouldn't be sane today without him. Bestest friends. 

Currently I'm a freshman (with enough credit for a sophomore) at community college, living at home, with a declared major of PSYCHOLOGY! dun dun dunnnn! but my goal is to still minor in art, and, as of last night, it pooped into my head to perhaps strive for religion? Psychology of religion? Art and psychology of religion? Crazy banana pants with a side of fail-sauce? Who knows. ask me in a couple months. It could all easily be worse...

MY SISTER SEEMS TO BE CONVERTING TO ARTISTIC-ISM! It makes me SO happy. Yes, she's not painting or doodling, but she seems to be creating, and going to art shows, and having interests! Away from Rap, and being gangster, and smoking pot... haha. but I'm worried too. apparently she's done something really awful, and its going to be on her criminal record? but its not that big and i shouldn't worry about it, but I'm not allowed to know what it is AT ALL. Way to drive me crazy family. I hope to figure it out soon, it gives me the creepy crawlys when I think about it. its not a pregnancy, she didn't steal anything, they didn't catch her with drugs or anything, and I just plain don't know. 

Let me digress, before I have nothing to tell you about later! lurvey lurvey. 

AGAIN! I'M SORRY!

Holy Crap and apologies. 

I need a good habit that I don't quit after a month. Here we go again, faithful blog, to whom I'm writing I still have no idea. I hope there's somebody there.....? ahh I don't mind if you like being mystery people. I love you anyway...? 

Too many dotdotdot question marks. I'm trying this again. hope this turns out for the better and keeps me sane!

=)

You don't know me at all.

So I'm sitting here waiting for classes to start, no real rush, no real excitement. just sitting. 

Today is bananas and milk day of this new diet I'm trying. one day is all fruits then all veggies then both then meat and tomatoes and then meat and veggies and then brown rice. all the while i can eat as much of this cabbage soup as I like. its ok so far. I feel like I'm eating more then before, but its all health food. alright. I know I'm lying, I have snuck in some yummy coffee and and tasted some foods on the wrong days, but whateves, I'm not staring at any scale. I'm doing this as a habit to eat better fruits and veggies. sorry for breaking down and dieting feminist world, I had to do something to pass the time. 

pip pip and cherries. 

YUMMMYYYYYY

Hello all.

I'm settling into all my new classes peachy keen.

but I'm really low on cash right now and  extra thirsty with an empty juice container. 

YUM.