I almost had you, but I guess I didn't cut it.

Hey you guys. Only not in the excited happy way that sloth does it...

I've been on SUCH a bitch walk. it seems like every person is pinching me in the EXACT SPOT that just pushes me over. and the results are either i just fall over and let them walk on me, or I just really snappy and irrational. I apologize. I'm not sure exactly whats going on right now. usually the winter depression doesn't happen till... well winter. (and not like a depression, but a downslipe I go through)

Bahh. I'm done ranting. its almost Halloween, almost rocky horror picture show, almost... something I hope. Things aren't just looking up like they used to. =/

Your hand is staining my window.

Sorry bloggers out there.

I can't stand myself recently, so I kind of assumed a pity call for help to the impersonal persons of cyberspace was as about as helpful as talking to myself. Which is was I'm currently doing. Damn. Can't I ever psycho analyze myself and not feel like a crazy neo-freudian? Wishing wishing wishing...

Reason? I can't understand reason. Reasons perhaps could be that the one guy I put up with for two years, i finally snapped at because he's thriving on my sad uneventful life here. Con

stantly prying for any gossip, what I'm doing etc. etc. and ALWAYS assuming something is wrong with me (which it is most of the time) and I'm leaving him out (because I leave everyone out, its just how impersonal I am when it comes to my personal problems). So I leave you out, because you're not in my life anymore! Stop being best buddies with me, when you're half the reason I'm as crazy as I am! I need to figure out my own problems, and depend on MYSELF! Not leaning on other people for their acceptance.

Speaking of which, psychology makes me apply everything to my own life. Saying that because I'm the "safe" person to get mad at, I never expose my hostile feelings to the people I'm actually hostile towards, and I hold everything accountable, that I'm neurotic. GO FIGURE! this makes me feel a bit braver about snapping at people.

Too bad I'm such a pussy. What little friends I have left staying in town for college are making me feel like an unwanted picture frame. I go over to a friends house and help her paint her room. Her boyfriend came over to help. They're in "love", willing to abandon each others families to be together, already lived through a preggo scare and abortion, and STILL together and all over eachother. Trust me. You know the awkward third wheel? How about the awkward "I-will-have-sex-in-front-of-you-because-we-fucking-forgot-common-courtesy"? BAHHH! IN felt SO disrespected. (NO, they didn't really have sex, but there wasn't much room for air, and hanky-panky of any sort when a friend is less then two feet away is... not

right.) If I didn't have to take one of them home, I would have left. (Would I really? No, because I'm too nice of a pussy to abandon people, or get mad at them. dammit self!). After repeatedly coming up from each other a moment, "Oh brit! I forgot you were here!" and then Finally, when I was ready to leave and get out of there, "Don't you have to go warm up you're car or something? He'll be out in a min." WHATTHEFUCK MATE! I sat there for twenty min, verging on crying and running my car through her house. Way earlier, when everyone else was already sick of them being all over eachother, I cut them some slack and told them I understand the honeymoon stage, and that I was OK with it as long as it wasn't intense and in front of me. WAY TO NOT LISTEN AT ALL! I'm perfectly fine hanging out with them separately, I adore them both. But I don't need to see your down and dirty pants dance! I just felt utterly disrespected and used. GAHH!

Should I say something? Blow up in their faces? Anything?

Perhaps Psych isn't the best choice. The world is making me hostile

Up side Update.

UPdate on my little life. UP (capitalized for a reason meaning that life is looking up! ha! I'm so full of wit. not.)

As of... march? March, I haven't been dating Colin. 

Good thing I wasn't on here then, I was ENTIRELY PISSED. He ditched be over religion because he believed he could change me. >:( But, on the bright side, we're still good friends and talk every other day. He's currently in an ROTC program going to school to be a pastor (go figure). Although lonely, He's doing OK. Even found himself a crush!

Speaking of crushes... I'm in lacking of one. not that I need one, but I miss having that one person you can talk to every night and snuggle with and... umm... you know. There's been some hopefuls on both sides, but nothing officially sticking yet. I'm not too dramatic about it. Apart from generally missing that second someone, I'm lovin' just being my little ol' single self. 

Love

Love

Love

Best

Dear

Love

Love

Love

As my second half, I LOVE LOVE DANTE TO ITTY BITTY HOMOSEXUAL PIECES! He's still my 

Will to my Grace. I wouldn't be sane today without him. Bestest friends. 

Currently I'm a freshman (with enough credit for a sophomore) at community college, living at home, with a declared major of PSYCHOLOGY! dun dun dunnnn! but my goal is to still minor in art, and, as of last night, it pooped into my head to perhaps strive for religion? Psychology of religion? Art and psychology of religion? Crazy banana pants with a side of fail-sauce? Who knows. ask me in a couple months. It could all easily be worse...

MY SISTER SEEMS TO BE CONVERTING TO ARTISTIC-ISM! It makes me SO happy. Yes, she's not painting or doodling, but she seems to be creating, and going to art shows, and having interests! Away from Rap, and being gangster, and smoking pot... haha. but I'm worried too. apparently she's done something really awful, and its going to be on her criminal record? but its not that big and i shouldn't worry about it, but I'm not allowed to know what it is AT ALL. Way to drive me crazy family. I hope to figure it out soon, it gives me the creepy crawlys when I think about it. its not a pregnancy, she didn't steal anything, they didn't catch her with drugs or anything, and I just plain don't know. 

Let me digress, before I have nothing to tell you about later! lurvey lurvey. 

AGAIN! I'M SORRY!

Holy Crap and apologies. 

I need a good habit that I don't quit after a month. Here we go again, faithful blog, to whom I'm writing I still have no idea. I hope there's somebody there.....? ahh I don't mind if you like being mystery people. I love you anyway...? 

Too many dotdotdot question marks. I'm trying this again. hope this turns out for the better and keeps me sane!

=)