I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

Get ready for some weird personal things.... I hope those I [don't really, but mentally] hint at don't actually read this, because sometimes, well many-a-times, I think nobody really looks hard enough to find this little niche of information and ramblings... Might be awkward, or it might be refreshing. hmm.

Alright, over a year I've been single, I'm fine being single, I'm not necessarily looking for that 'somebody" (but I'd like to know if your just watching be be an idiot in the mean time, how embarrassing!) or a relationship, but lately, ever since I decided my fooling around guy friend was a piece of dick, (not a pun, he was really rude and I'm better then that) I miss that fuck buddy. And NO! Not fuck buddy, because I refuse to fuck anybody I'm not in relations with, I'm not a whore, I'm just like MANY WOMEN ACTUALLY - Horny.

Men get laid, but women get screwed.  ~Quentin Crisp


I just happen to be sick to my stomach that men can sleep around and be praised (EVEN BY OTHER WOMEN! apparently more experience = better sex for the next person... ugh.) and when women are even horny, it's all "oh! keep an eye on her! She's a tramp! She's easy!" and that makes it ok?  Not really. I hate double standards.

But just currently, Im realizing there's a difference in sexual attraction, and the attraction that comes with companionship. Well duh, given the opportunity, I would tap Jake Gyllenhaal, Hayden Christensen, James Franco, Jude Law, Christian Bale, Hugh Jackman... AHH SEXY! All at once please!!! I may be a really sweet girl with my ginger hair and really kissable lips *winkwink* but DAYUM I get all hot and flustered for that delicious bodies, strong jaws, beautiful eyes, and revolutionary personalities type. (My human sexuality class will be interesting to say the least, describing my fantasy's and what not.... awkward! But digressing...) Everyone has those soft spot traits that make you swoon, and that may be attractive sexually. But falling in love, rather then lust, can be a hard thing for anyone that has opportunity to temptation.

And how is it you find love anyway? You can't go looking for it, its not an easy button, or a secret clue that someone is consciously hiding from you. It finds you. And if it find you on top of another person... Ruh roh. Love cannot be a factor, option, or reasoning when deciding to fool around with more then yourself (Gosh! I'm being so naughty today!) When your hormonal need for your sexual tendencies to be satisfied, I guess depending on the method to releasing that tension, they WILL BE ACTED UPON! Blue balls man... lol.

Its probably been out there for ages... what am I saying? its always been there! But today, given the opportunity for a college girl to take advantage of a drunk situation, or just wanting to get some, or even making the arrangement (how do people even go about doing that? "Oh hello, I think you're rather sexy. would you be alright if if we started seeing each other but just for sex? Does Tuesday work? Alright, grand! I'll see you tonight!" Really? I am curious, they must be such exhibitionists!) is at our fingertips. It's so strange...

Is it because I feel beautiful when someone finds me sexy? Sexy also happens to be a weird word, because you can be sexy in an old tee shirt and yesterdays sweatpants, and you can feel sexy while wearing your huge winter coat, or while your doggy paddling in the pool. The term "sexy" is applied with lacy underwear, or having sex appeal, or sports cars. Sexually beautiful is a whole other rarity that I really wish there were more of it in the world. I know people personally, that I find beautifully sexy. GOD I love that term! I'm smiling like weird-y because when I think of them, I can only simply smile. Some of them I may (or have) thought about the sexual attraction bit, and how that might work out in a relationship, But some people are so beautiful I would (or do) cherish kissing them, and would love being close and simply holding each other, and being there to play with their hair with my fingers, and nibble softly that place where the neck and the shoulder meet, I want to make them feel as sexually beautiful as they make me feel. I would give that. Honestly. Just say the word.

So under what circumstances gives you the right choice? Do you make that move towards lust and and possibly find that beautifully sexy side, or would it be cold and awkward and committing to something you didn't bargain for? Or should I refrain from experimenting and being an exhibitionist and wait for love to happen on its own accord? This is turning out to be a ponderous self contemplating, but if you happen to be reading this and have an opinion, leave an anonymous comment, or contact me in some way. <3