I'm fat. How are you?

Hmmm. Last night a good friend called me easy. Easy. Like sexually easy, or at least, that I portrayed that in how I dress. Then he went on and said that I was intelligent otherwise, but he doesn't understand why I do that. Alas, we were both in a drunken stupor, so the subject changed quickly and didn't mean much then. But now that I'm trying to nap and nurse a slight hangover, I can't help but think on it. It's sometimes gotten me in trouble (like last night, which brought up the conversation in the first place where I literally had to walk away and hide from a creeper guy, he apologized in the morning, but it still wasn't cool.) and I know its not a good thing, and thats the wrong way of going about it, and some people would rather I stay at home then wear clothes that are revealing. I AM AWARE OF WHAT I'M DOING! I'm not ridiculous, I'm not trying to be slutty, I just... eh. Im not comfortable unless I feel "sexy" in some way because being overweight I feel such a need to physically shove in your face my one good physical aspect, even if it really sucks. I'M SORRY! It makes me feel just as crappy. =/

If you got it, why not flaunt it? I'm proud of my breasts. they make up for my lack of ass, or a thin figure, or anything else attractive to the opposite sex (or the same sex, I'm indifferent at this point, not that I'm about to turn into a cheeky lesbian, nor has the opportunity arrived.) Maybe if I make the focus closer to my face, they won't see so much that my thighs are thunder-y and my tummy has rolls and I have freckles all over and everything ever awful about me. I'm just glad I'm damn proportional. Mostly.

A year and a month on the third. Thats how long I've been single for. And its not necessarily desperation (because I've always dressed with cleavage in mind, ask anyone) but I miss the body heat of snuggling. the calm breathing of being close to someone and the good feeling fireworks that make you glow and your stomach flip when you think of that significant being. And that shouldn't make you sad, but it bums be out when the only attention I get is from creeps that think I'm "easy". And I know, it's my fault. I put myself in every situation, and sometimes even think the creeps have good intentions, but I'm always let down and get slammed into it anyway. I hope there's more then one way to love someone. I hope I haven't forgotten other ways to feel loved or noticed without being drastic or dangerous.

I think I just need someone that's different. Someone that says "Hey, it's alright, you don't have to do/be anything; you make me happy just the way you are."