A Great Thing.

Something romantically cute has happened.



My Uncle Howie, dear lord has been alone for a long time. If it give you a sense, my mother just turned 50, and he's her older brother. But he's not one of those creepy loner folk. He Has his own, great, business, two adorable golden retrievers (and has never lived without dogs), loves the outdoors (hes always camping and kayaking and all that), slightly bald but not bad looking, very giving, and he can cook as good as my mother (which is damn good by the way!). He's had girlfriends, but he's always loved this one woman, Joann.



Years and years ago, back when my grandparents were alive, he proposed to her. she declined, and married another man less then a year later. It was really sad. Not only holidays, but many random occasions and days he would be over at my house, for dinner and wine and conversation.



Well, yesterday, he proposed to her again (between then and yesterday, she has a kid my age and has been married twice). the romantic part is my Uncle kept the same ring as before and she said YES.



It made me happy. My lonely Uncle has his true love (again). And it's a great thing.

Julia Nunes.

I want to get her CD.
And she's Inspired be to make a video blog? That won't happen for a long while...

MIA.

I'm not a fan of dreams that could be real.

I lied. I do like them, just not when your two front teeth get knocked out and you think it actually happened.

In my dream my two front teeth were knocked out because I was wiggling them, you know, like you did as a child when you had a loose tooth. I remember trying very hard not to smile, and I remember it was very embarrassing trying to order food. and my parents laughed at me, and I had my senior pictures in less then a week, and everything was awful.

I think I remember making the best of it, but I had a dream tangent when I thought of Asian girls and how they always cover they're mouth then they giggle. (please ignore my brain stereotype) and it was because they had missing teeth to! so I think by the end of my dream, I was Asian. actually I looked a lot like the picture I drew...

WOAH. I was that picture I drew! I remember the scarf to hide my teeth... So much for Laura's Hickey Theory. That's strange how that works like that. XD

I don't want to be taller.

I grew a 1/2 inch.

Lordy Lordy.

=/

FUCKING OW.

I twisted something funny in my back.

I really feel like a fucking old person. I can't really turn, like if i was doing the twist, nor can I bend over. well, i can do both but it hurts like hell. it hurts both when i sit up straight and when i slouch. It kind of hurts to breathe, and its preventing a lot of sleep.

=(

It happened sometime the night before last night. I've been using a heated blanket/pad thing since last night. and downing Tylenol like water.

Nothing is really working.

I'm just in a lot-o pain.

YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M A JEEP WRANGLER!

I know him. And he makes me happy. In the face.

XD

"The best thing one can do when it's raining, is to let it rain.”

Holy downpour.

Rain, rain Don't go away.

Stay awhile, your kinda nice.

I'll get my boots and hat

maybe jump in your friend mud

and dance in your wet arms

before the wind nudges you away

and the sun says farewell with colors.

No one's the killer & No one's the martyr.

Well then. I tried to decipher my dream during Friday Night Live in Horizon Bookstore and I couldn't find jack shiiite about dreams. But a phone call, or a lack of one, gave me icky thoughts.

I don't think my tummy it up for the repetition of them.
The scary Dogman thing? Yea. That's an event, not a person.

=(

4-Corner Jars.

AUUUUGGGGHHHHH.

I'm feeling a bit rushed lately.

There's not much there to keep the momentum from hurling me into a brick wall.(I can't see the brick wall, nor am I positive it exists, but I'm assuming its there...)

I had that dream again. With the garbage jars, the running, and the Dogman. Recurring dreams never make sense, but I wish I could remember he situation when I last had it. I know it means something. It was like camping, but with a bunch of guys. I was training for something and running a lot, almost like a boot camp. This other guy is also there. He's the antagonist with a good head when he wants it. He's always competing and challenging, the macho guy for sure. Sworn enemies with myself. Late at night, there's theses woods with and open space, and I was running around the open space checking jars. The different jars were met to be clues, and I even but hem there and challenged the macho guy for a race like/ lets find all the clues something or other. the woods goes quite when I'm running. somethings coming closer and faster as I run. the trees part ways for the awful thing, Dogman-like but terrifying and vicious. You'd expect the macho guy to let me die, and vise-versa. I watch the thing some closer, snarling and drooling. Everybody in camp is yelling and shouting for me to get inside the random appearing tents, but I know that won't protect me against its jagged claws. The guy is terrified and screaming at the top of his lungs for me to listen. But I can't hear anything. I'm watching the beast come closer like a silent movie film. The glass jars shatter underneath it's steps, the wind picks up, egging the terror on. Even though I've ran before, I know how to run, I can feel adrenaline running, demanding to run, to get away out to the path, but whatever path I choose, its always after me. it's jaws find my ribs just as the guy finds my arms. He pulls me back into the tent, while the beast runs off with my lungs and heart. I start to suffocate because I can't breathe. the guy leaves me on the ground and walks away, kind of bittersweet, and I watch the last remaining jar, filled with dirt, as I wake up. Sheesh.

ADD fashon.

I'm randomly really into vests right now. I know, I know, everybody's into vests right now, so it's not really my finding, but they can be EVERYTHING. A top-er to pull something together, worn by itself in a sexy look (See Kate Hudson's picture), they can look professional/dressy or they can make your outfit be calm and chillaxed. I'm just diggin vests. I just wish there were more that didn't make you look like your boxy librarian, or cheep ones that fit the bigger breasted people. But I still love them.

Yes I know, scarves aren't my idea either, but I'm adoring them right now! patterns or solids, bright colors, funky buttons and fringe, they instantly add a style factor. Currently, I'm loving cream and dark grays, mostly neutral colors that can compliment and give a cozy sense. I love how brave guys wear scarves. (although some try and kind of fail.. haha). And there are SO many ways you can wear them! around the neck in multiple ways, but you can mix it up too! As a belt, as a headband, an add on to your bag, around the arm, I love getting different with it. And you can wear them almost year round! Thick, furry, warm ones for those cold winter walks, fabric-y for the spring and fall, and light airy ones for the summer. You can go wrong when wearing scarves. Well, I lied. you actually can go really wrong with scarves.... so watch it. =)

Come on, can you blame me if knee socks have always been a trend? You can blame anything from Japanese culture, high school uniforms, or the British. And I know there a big hit now, but leave me be. I can go around with he rest of the world loving them. Colored tights too, but I'm not as big on them as socks. Leg warmers oh my goodness can you stand it?! anything yo keep my footies warm and stylish. I like original colors like blacks, grays, whites can get preppy, but cream and navy is gold with the right look. And tights? With bold colors you have to be able to make a statement, which I like doing, but not a screaming statement. Try peaches, mauves (pinky-purples), plums, light navy and subtle greens. I like those best on me, but colors are completely your choice. Jewel tones are always pretty too. And dare I say, Patterns? Patterns, like bold colors, are a statement. and you have to be wary of what your pairing it up with. But in the long run, I'm a great fan with not so great legs to wear them with. Oh well.

Currently I have an adoration with Military-esque Jackets with the rivets and all that wonderful fun stuff that comes with it. Whether long, (like the picture I took of myself in TJMaxx) or short with a fun zipper and pockets. I adore the big rivets, in gold or silver, or fun stitching on the edges. The greens, gray and blacks are great, even great in a girly purple. I've seen them with furry hoods and in patterns like plaid and army print. very versatile. I guess they're just sweet like that. And the BAD ARSE factor of course.

Anything Lacey with a Victorian style make things so classy and sexy. It's tight and refined, but it can be modified in so many different ways. You can dress it black and make it a bit emo/goth, or you could go for a sassy blazer/vest, or loose with some jeans and a sun hat. The high neck looks great peeking up from under almost any type of sweatshirt or jacket. makes you feel all fancy inside without donning a dress.

What can I feed my hippie side with without resorting to tye-dye? Flare Jeans. I'm digging they're groovey style and kinda layed back look. I must say, I'm COMPLEATLY over the skinny jeans, guys wearing girl pants, and all that aweful hubub. And I'm still searching for those perfect bell bottoms that everybody envys. makes you feel a bit retro, and I love that retro feeling. it just makes me happy.

ERRRRRRMMMM. This is taking a long time to find pictures and write up a paragraph...

I also like:

Big Glasses Frames.

Ankle Boots.

Floral Prints.

Big Buttons.

Henna.

Face Paint. (long story...)

erm. yea.

About the bugs and alphabet.

Red hair with a curl

mellow roll for the flavor and the eyes for peeping

can't keep away from the girl

these two sides of my brain need to have a meeting...

She turns and says "are you alright?"

I said "I must be fine cause my heart's still beating"

I'm suddenly SO intrigued by these lyrics. It might be because it slightly references me, or it might be because its written by the godly but strange White Stripes, or perhaps it nibbles on my hopeless romantic persona. and I was about to go on a massive tangent about love, but I decided not to. Love tangents are a bit over done aren't they?

And Laura has giving me a spiffy idea to blog about my weirdness of what fashion things I'm randomly into, because I get those and people are like "Brittany, you're crazy!" and then what I'm into is the next coolest thing. or of cool things to come.

I was uncool before uncool was cool.

and I love cuddling.

Lurvey Durvey.

However depressing this depiction of Hamlet's Ophelia is, I'm a bit inspired by it. Apparently it's said she suffered from Erotomania; a rare disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that another person, usually of a higher social status, is in love with him or her. Love, being one of the most used subject in the creative arts, or in thoughts of life for that matter, is in no way defined.



Dear lord wiki, How to Love. (and my responses)


-Say it. When you say the words "I Love You," do they carry it with them the desire to show someone you love them or do they carry it with them is it what you want to feel? And when you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person. (Very true. When you say it without conviction it's a heartbreaker, or and awkward maker.)


-Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are; and realize how they could also love you back just as well. (Psh, scare them away with excitement and prying clinging thoughts. yay pessimisim.)

-Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally. (That's a given in most cases of my case.)

-Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for loving's sake. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way. (I should print this out and tape it somewhere...)

-Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. (But that's the sad part...)


Check out the WARNINGS. Oh boy do more people need to read those.
hahaha.

Kill Me Romantically?

Do you ever get the feeling things are going too well? Nothing too dramatic has happened, nothing too irritating has happened, apart from a few minor mishaps, your friends are behaving, your oblivious boyfriend is being extra sweet and romantic the best to his ability, its just seems so......surreal.

Its almost too "too". Nothing too dramatic, but nothing too splendid either. I haven't heard anything about work, school is starting and I'm flat broke, I'm too worried about future relations and situations to take in whats happening now and be happy about whats to come. Am I stuck in one of those weird karma cycles? Are Yin and Yang after me? Am I obliviously balanced in the middle about the slip either way?

I just want SOMETHING to happen. Let's go already. Bring it, please?

My Return.

I'm sorry for my lack of posts recently, I've been CAMPING!

Silver Lake Michigan sand dunes are really goregous. (and I apologize for the crappyness of them, I only had my phone camera.)

The beaches were pretty. and Dante bailed on me last moment, but otherwise I kept thinking about how much I miss colin. I stayout of of the sun as most as possible because I didnt feel like sunburn poisening. There were go-karts and icecream and hot guys riding motorized vehicles with no shirts. it was sweatering hot and ice cold at night. I have enough bug bite to last me untill NEXT summer thank you. dune buggies were intense and we were in-tents. =) I read half of Catch-22 and campground dirt flowing out of my eyeballs. I bought a shirt for breast cancer and it says "Save the Ta-Tas!" I thought it was witty. but its very comfortable.

I couldnt stop thinking about colin though. I'm such a lame O.

And the lighthouse is litterally my favorite place ON THE EARTH.

I want to get married there. Please?
=)

Hooray! I'm half way done with my AP literature junk.

Pride and Prejudice hear my wrath!

And if crazy whats-her-face says my view isn't the right view because it has to be her view or the popular view, I'll be ticked. They always do that and say " I don't think you understood the text." I understood the bloody text. I just look a bit deeper then the average high school reader.

I'm observant and creative bitch. Deal with it.

=)

Raw.

The before is the stress, the pressure, the wanting for it to be OK again, and the confusion of how you got there in the first place. And you think how the hell did it get so awful so fast? What did I do to cause it? Prevent it? Change it? And everything begins to look like concrete or a movie... Unreal but you know your there, and you see your there, and your watching you there, but you don't feel there. Not mentally at least. And you begin to feel like a puppety dead thing that just walks about and tries to rebel to feel something. Kind of like the whole worlds on top of you, and you cant lift it no matter how hard you try. And you question more. More questions then you could begin to answer. Then the maybes pop up. Maybe this, maybe that, maybe something can make me feel right or at least feel. And then your out of the before.

It' the before that worries me.

The little voice that tells you your an idiot and its not that bad. The one that makes you think of the little kids in Africa and the guilt. See, the before isn't just the before. The before doesn't end at the beginning, its always there. Kind of crawling under your skin or on the side of your brain. The feelings, or lack of feelings come with it. And then its not always there. You can still laugh. Have fun. Its when your alone to think about it, when it triggers memories like concrete and the dead feeling when you hold hands. Its always there creeping and shaking you from the inside out. Some say they did it, it's done, and bury it. Some wring it in their fingers till its raw and bleeding. Some just go with it and make up what they believe and just breathe awhile. People deal with the before in different ways and that also worries me. Its not just you, I'm worried about me.

You can't help but aww...

I've found something Lovely.

http://www.interspeciesfriends.com/

Here's a few of what there:

Daring Bitterness.

I refuse to let her make me bitter. How is it, after all this time, she can still be so snooty, so uptight. No mater the effort I make to contribute, I'm shot down with sarcasm and "Wow, isnt that stupid."

I'm opening a can of words and worms. I won't let nerves stop me. A reaction and conclustion is needed. I won't let her infringe my senior year and make me bitter.

A little insight.

1. Which comes first: Friends or Family?
- Well isn't this an awful question. A great majority of the time I view my friends as an extension of family. So wholly my family.

2. What does love mean to you?
- Love, to me, is like air. Whether it was from or for my family, friends, lovers, strangers even, it can't be measured or conducted. It's everything and nothing. Like air, love is not concrete. you can see it when it moves the leaves or blows the water, or when you receive a hug. Literally love is like air. So needed in every sense.

3. Who was the last person you kissed? Do you regret it?
-Colin. And no, I don't regret it in the least bit.

4. Stare at a wall. What's the first thing that pops up into your mind?
-The song I'm listening to is called Around the World by Daft Punk and I was imagining traveling around the world on an epic adventure.

5. What have you been thinking about lately?
-Graduation. Senior year. Moving on it life and not seeing the same faces anymore. Some parts make me upset. Others seem thrilling. All in all I've realized I'm nervous as fuck.

6. Whats been most tempting lately?
- A self attempted lobotomy to just rid myself of all the paranoia and worries and shit that I don't really need.

7. What does your favorite smell remind you of?
- It was I think White Shoulders or Chanel Number 5, my mom wears is, or used to wear it. It reminds me of my younger days, when I would watch my mom get ready for work. All in black and white with red lipstick. it makes me happy.

8. Do you believe in fate?
-I believe fate is a choice. you choose to believe in it, or you choose choices on your own path. Call it a matrix philosophy, but its what I believe.

9. Would you rather be fat, broke, or lonely?
-Well, I'm already 2/3. Honestly, that's a thoughtful question.

10. What impact are you wanting to leave on the world?
- A little, meaningful one.

11. What are the three "nevers" of your life?
-I never meant to let people down.
-I never truly found my niche.
-I never have been entirely happy about myself.

12. Do you think God has a sense of humor?
-Well somebody has a great fucking sense of something.

13. Do you have a song that cheers you up when your blue?
-Motorcycle Drive By : Third Eye Blind.

14. What is your favorite fairytale? Why?
-I love Peter Pan. Its so whimsical and imaginative, nothing can compare. it makes you believe in everything you've ever wanted.

15. If you could come back for a day after you died, what would you do?
- Its weird to say, but I'd probably haunt people that I remembered from life.

16. What do you believe stands between you and happiness?
-This reminds me of a blog I wrote. Society believes there's always something out there that will make you happier. Something more, something in the way. I couldn't pinpoint a reason.

17. What do you love most about yourself?
- I love how some days I can feel good about myself. Even pretty. and how I can talk to people in my driveway for hours and everyone feels relieved. I love how I can call up Dante whenever, and talk about anything and not feel judged. =)

18. What do you imagine yourself doing ten years from now?
- Honestly? Hmm.... I'll be 27. I want to have a good job. Married soon if not already. Maybe expecting. A nice enough home. A simply happy life. Spontaneous, not picture perfect. Quirky in my own sense of it. =)

19. When do you feel most alive?
- When I've created something that makes me proud and other happy.

Can weather have Karma?

It's horrible that my beach day can be ruined by some morning rain and 66 degree temp.

Watch your back Mother N. The wrath of students and a dwindling summer could come back to bite you.

=)

Fall.

Is the world watching the Olympics? It's trippy.

Overkill.

Here I am, sitting in my bra with a towel about my waist, posting finally in some sort of blog phenomena found on the Internet. Alas I can keep a check on myself.

"Paranoia Posts" isn't meant to be my list of worries, fears, nerves and other such calamities.
For now, its just my hidey-house for lifelike activities.

=)

Eccentricity of Quirks.

Is everyone quirky? Like a used car with a faulty locking system, or a door that only opens when you jiggle the handle, how can anybody be the same? Let alone admitting your own quirks, good and bad? Some can be favorable, embarrassing, lovable, repulsive, or just plain strange. The mannerisms of an individual, I think, are as individual as the individual themselves. We as people become attached to them like pets or pseudo selves. They're picked up off the streets and used as subconscious inspiration to live by. Maybe that's how I just think of it.

I also believe I love people because of their quirks. Would you be the same person if you didn't get all nervous over something silly but are happy about it, or you can remember every name of every dungeons and dragons character, but can't remember the characters your forced to remember for class? You wouldn't really. Well, OK so you'd still be you, just a little less interesting.

I love that your interesting.

XD